So Go To Canada You Big Whiner!

Rich and I sort of had it out yesterday. He was being really obnoxious, and I was getting tired of it, so I let out that biting side of me. I can say things sometimes and it comes out much harsher than I intend. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it, but I was just getting tired of him bringing down my natural high. I should start at the beginning.

I got to work and was in a great mood. My iPod was playing some great tunes (Bobby Brown, Tom Petty, 10,000 Maniacs, Guns N’ Roses), and I had baked a cake for break time because it was Jeff’s 50th birthday. Well Jeff was kinda grumpy, and Rich seemed to be a little grumpy. I was able to keep the mood light with everyone, making up songs (Melissa, huh! What is she good for? You know the song that goes War, huh! What is it good for). anyways, 10 o’clock comes, and we go to break, and we eat cake, and Rich starts going off on the election, and how he wants to immigrate to Canada. I’m like, see ya! Bu-bye! So I’m trying to change the topic, since everyone is sitting around looking uncomfortable. Rich is still going on about how he hates Kerry and Bush, and then big closed minded jerk says the “A” word. (The “A” word is in reference to the President.) That just gets me really upset. And he’s saying how he doesn’t morals, and he doesn’t like Bush making decisions based on morals. Now in my head, I’m thinking of the conversation I’d have with him if there weren’t 7 other people sitting around the table. So I’m still trying to change the topic, and every topic I hit, he’s got something negative to say. I finally get tired of it all and I say to him, “Oh my eyes hurt so much looking up at you on your high horse.” Everyone started to laugh, breaking the tension a little. Thankfully it was 10:30, so break was over. But when I left for the day, he had the nerve to say he expected me to bring him chocolate next week (since Harry & David truffles are amazing). My response was,” I expect you to have an open mind next week. Which do you think is going to happen?” He proudly declared he isn’t changing his closed mind.

I like Rich, he can be a lot of fun. And I can be friends with people who have a different opinion than me (I learned that at KUCI). But I think we need to sit down and have a serious talk. He was out of control with his attitude, and it did not make for a comfortable nice break for all. I’m debating whether I should email him, or if I should talk to him next week.

I was so pooped yesterday, working at the museum in the morning, than H&D in the afternoon. But it was good. Thank goodness Geoff came to pick me up from the mall, since the sun is setting here at 5pm, it would make a dark walk home. I do have the option to take the bus, so don’t feel bad for me.

I’m still having weird dreams. I dream about people from my past life (by past life I mean high school, or B.G.- before Geoff). Last night, I dreamt I was still living with my mom and Hans, yet I was married. It was 3am, and I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and my mom was awake, watching tv in her room. I unlocked the door, and left the house, going next door where someone from the past was living. I just knocked on the door, and was let in. For whatever reason, I figured the solution to my not being able to sleep was to talk to this person. The weirdest thing is whenever I speak to this person in my dreams, one of the first things I say is why didn’t they acknowledge my father’s death? I’m not sure why this bothers me so in my dreams. I’m a weird person. That’s pretty much the dream.

I was speaking to Lisa this morning, and telling her this, and I guess I expected people who knew me would have responded to my dad’s death. Do I honestly believe people read the obituaries everyday? I did, when I lived in Edmonton. But when I hear about the death of someone I know, I try to send a note, even if all it says is I’m sorry. Maybe it’s all just residual anger or resentment I felt at the funeral. I was angry, I was mad that I didn’t register on people’s radar. That all they talked about was Colin, and Dylan. I wasn’t mad at Colin and Dylan, but part of me was mad at myself. For not being around the last 4 (now 5) years. I hated that it was like I wasn’t his child. I guess I have some issues that time needs to heal.

Sunday at church we sang I Can Only Imagine, and I couldn’t sing it. All I could do was stand there and cry. It’s funny because I can hear the song on the radio, and I’m fine. But being in worship, the emotions were too raw. Plus I’ve been thinking about Grandpa Jim, Grandma Bessie, and Auntie Pearl. I miss them so much. They were just so loving towards me, and making me feel like I was truly their family.

Alright, I’m done. I’m going to close with a quote from Wag The Dog.

Stanley Motss : Why Albania?

Conrad ‘Connie’ Brean : Why not?

Stanley Motss : What have they done to us?

Conrad ‘Connie’ Brean : What have they done FOR us? What do you know about them?

Stanley Motss : Nothing.

Conrad ‘Connie’ Brean : See? They keep to themselves. Shifty. Untrustable.